Nostalgia

Tonight is one of those nights
when nostalgia hits hard and relentless.
Remembering the nights at the bakery.
The dough soft and uncooked,
flexible and flying between my fingers

We’ve baked so many lies over the years.
Kept them brittle and stale in our minds.

Tonight is one of those nights
when dreams are lined up, firing squad like,
against a chain link fence of our best design.
We know the backs of our hands
because nobody else cares to

After these days we’ve snuck
an extra bullet into our
Russian roulette wheels

Tonight is one of those nights
when the agony is thick as a shadow
and as easily grasped.
Our arms, the empty nets of desire.
Fish stories about the drowning overcast.

Skies, filtered by all our nostalgia.
There used to be two suns
I swear it, better believe it.

Haven't Written in a While

I found this video while surfing the web. The metaphor is obvious, but I like that kind of stuff. I've always been a straight to the point kind of guy.

My wife says that this trait, of speaking my mind, was one of the things that attracted her to me. I say, "that fucking rocks." Life can be harder when one speaks their mind at all times. I've had to learn control around my kids and my bosses. Okay, so I haven't actually learned how to do it around bosses. My question to all bosses is, "Why are most of you no talent, snake oil salesmen, who shove other people down to get what you want?"

I'm guessing the answer is something to the effect that I should stop bitching. I know I've been written up for bringing up the issue. Two more warnings and you can officially fire your smartest employee. Hey, I was wondering, could you possibly fire the guy in the next cubicle, the one who hangs up on every third caller. Your quality assurance checks every other month don't seem to catch him, but if you spent some time on the office grunt floor, you might notice it. Bitter, I guess. Mostly I just like to complain.

If you've read this far, you're probably named Sara. I'm so glad that you read my posts. One day I'll get around to making them most excellent.

-raven russell

"The Beast of the Day"

By: raven russell
april 6, 2008

We opened up the curtains onto a scene

in which the troubled clouds brewed

teabags draped from cups of rain

you asked me if there was a way into my world


I spent the night praying for night

to go away.

In the morning time was a dragging companion.

I drugged my head silent.

I slept in peace,

sealed within the belly of the beast of the day.


And all I asked the morning to do

it did in spades

with dirt falling from planting pots

mud, baked clay, and the dawn.


From where I sit, I draw the television some legs

and I admire my work as he runs from the room.

Robots and Cartoons

This is a neat video of a real robot that some dudes made.








A funny comic I found. All of this guy's stuff is hilarious. You really should check him out.

Today I woke up totally depressed. I was low. I blame it mostly on my dream of trying to record an album in a studio and not succeeding. I picked myself up though, I ended up applying for a few jobs and working on a website. I also watched 3 kids with the help of my wonderful wife. We had a picnic today in our front yard. The sun even decided to help me out of my sadness. Oh, what a beautiful world I live in.

My son has been watching old episodes of Captain Planet that I found online. He just loves when Captain Planet comes to save the day. oh, what a sweet little child he is.

-raven russell

A quick blog from my friend's house

My son is doing Photoshop work now. He did four projects today, including a couple multi-layered ones. I'm so proud. I hope to spit you some of his work within the next couple days. Oh, if only I had loyal readers who cared, i know... poor me. One day I will stop hating myself, until then sorry Raven, but you're kicked out of the nest.

-raven russell

Quotes and the number 100

This video is a montage that must have taken hours to put together. Whom ever made this original video deserves a thank you. I hope that I can edit this well sometime in the future. Soon here, within the year, I will be putting my own video on this blog. Until then I'll leave it to the masters.

I have been working on photoshop projects for the safermusic.com project that I have been working on. Safermusic will be up sooner than later, but still has much work to complete on it. I thank Andy and Nikki for their work on the project. Boring blog ending now...

-raven russell

Feral, Free, and Fuct Yeah

I posted this picture of the actual newspaper article, not for it to be able to be read, but to show how cool it is to have one of our brethren on the cover of a major newspaper. My brother is the one on the drums. His band Feral Children is heating up the scene in Seattle. My scanner unfortunately is not heating up anything. My scanner it turns out does not scan newspaper pictures very well, adding a bunch of dots. Oh well.


On to some fun and free stuff links:

1. Musicovery.com:
A cool website that works a lot like Last.fm or Pandora.com. Musicovery is based on your mood and what tempo of song you want to hear. You can set the decade you want to focus on, the 'darkness' of your mood, or the genre to come up with a random song that usually hits the spot. A cool flash display is generated that shows a spider web of colors of upcoming songs, where you can click on any of the new songs to change songs. Reset your standards at any time to find all kinds of music. Muck around a bit on this site, I guarantee that you will find a song that you forgot you loved, or that you need to take another look at. Pandora is another random song generator, but not as extensive, and limited by only allowing 6 songs per hour.

2. Gimp.org:
Have you always wanted to own Photoshop, or maybe you already do, but it takes up too much room. Gimp is an open source photo editing software that is free. Open source means that it works on a Mac or PC. This programs is fuckin' sweet. It has literally everything that Photoshop offers plus an easier interface. Another sweet program is the free Open Office. Open Office has an interface that looks almost identical to Microsoft Office. This program has so many features that I keep learning new things to do with it each day. Don't purchase any Office suite with this puppy available.

3. I haven't used this next site's download, but I've heard it boasted of all over the internet, it will help get rid of that extra coding that Itunes puts on its MP3's, allowing you to use it as free music. Hymn Project.

4. Hype Machine- Hypem.com:
I actually just discovered this site while I was writing this blog and looking through my bookmarks. This site compiles a list of even more free streaming MP3's than Songza. The even cooler thing is that this site shows where the song originally came from including a link to the original blog or website. Lots of music on this site. Probably one of the best music streaming sites I've ever seen.

5. Google Moon and Google Sky:
Maybe I'm the last person to know about these, but I've never heard of these sites before this week. Like Google Earth you can scan around the moon, pictures taken from the Lunar Missions are all pieced together to form a giant map. Zoom in on that certain crater that's always bugged you (you know, checking for aliens). Google Sky is our sky. All of the stars that have been mapped are all in one big map that is also zoomable. Very cool. I checked out the Orion constellation with my son yesterday, we looked around on the site for about an hour. Includes Hubble Telescope Discoveries.

6. Cinema Forge:
A program download that allows you to download Youtube and Google videos to your own computer regardless of whether Youtube gives you the option. Works great, just read all the instructions, all like 5 of them, and you can own any video on the web, almost. Very cool.


Here is a photo of a hot spring pool that I once swam in on one of my favorite vacations with my brother. We didn't bring a camera on the trip, so I had to find this picture online, but I figured I'd put it here to remind me of some of the good things of life. This pool had a slide into it, and was filled by a hot spring that flowed right off of a nearby mountain. The pool was nice and clean, and the exact right temperature.

As promised earlier today here are the other 6 parts to Electroma. Although I haven't watched them, I thought that I might have some interested friends. Until later enjoy Daft Punk:
Electroma (A Daft Punk Movie)
Part 1 is in previous day post, below this one.


Part 2


Part 3


Part 4


Part 5


Part 6


Part 7

More Blog to come tonight

Part 1 of Electroma
Check out the other 6 parts later tonight on my blog or check out youtube at A list of Electroma Parts.

i spent some time away from the world. the time was needed, much needed. i'm still healing, feeling up to writing another long blog. tonight I will sit down and write a blog with some blog worthy material. i'll show the world some of the cool sites i've been surfing. streaming video and music is getting big and is everywhere. until tonight mess around a bit on Songza.Com. Type in any artist you want to hear and songza will search the internet for any free music files available. even Feral Children were on there.
Here is an article link to Feral Children. I will be scanning in the actual newspaper clipping later this evening. until later.

-raven russell

A Poem I Wrote

“The Fog Has Cleared”
3/16/2008

Inside we were all wind-whipped fog
We lingered longer through the bogs.
Our minds had become swamps of thought.
Melting our souls with sudden rot.

We alone soaked in sadness.
We together all depressed.
Sealed within hospital gowns.
Our face contorted with a frown.

Medicine soothed our broken nerves.
For this we’re destined and deserve,
to peel back our internal clouds,
to remove the black of death’s shroud.

In our hearts and heads we saw,
that we were well worth it all.


-raven russell

p.s. This poem is written for all of my friends on 5WB. Thank you for your help.

To my friends

You are out there, Tony and Andy. Wow, that's funny to me. I actually had a hotmail account AndyandTony@hotmail.com. I named it after Andy Kaufman and his alter ego Tony Clifton. I miss you guys. I thank you for listening to me through my difficulties, trials, tribulations, and general bitching. You guys rock. Both of you are genuine souls, a lot like my beautiful wife. I am surrounded by loving people, but I don't know how to receive that love. My issue, not yours. I'm even trying to be happy now in this writing, but I am finding it difficult. I am feeling a bit better with my medicinal stew inside of me. Tony, your words helped quite a bit on Monday. Thank you for taking the time out of your workday to talk me out of the tree. Andy thanks for having me over on such short notice so many times. I appreciate your understanding of my outburst on the first night we hung out. I will still get you website done dude. No worries. Tony, you should meet this Andy kid. He's great. We could get together and play some WII bowling or something. Acme Bowl in Tukwila might be a fun thing to do when I get out. I think that Tony will be in Las Vegas around the time I get out, however. Sara, I hope that I didn't let you down. I feel good about my decision to come here, and I believe that it will be for the better. You know who I miss most, my kids. I love those little buggers. I also miss my brother. It is a wierd feeling being sort of locked up. I can leave when I want, but it would be against doctors orders, which is bad for me in a lot of ways. Good luck living without me for the next two weeks, lol.

-raven russell

In the nut house

I'm actually writing this blog from inside of a suicide ward. Since there were no beds left for actual wards, I've been put into a level two ward. This means more people who talk to themselves generally. I'm not looking forward to the stay, but I can't wait for my first cigarette. I waited for this room for 25 hours in the Emergency Room, then a 2 hour ambulance ride to a different hospital, then a three hour wait at the new hospital. 30 hours of wait time. It has now been 39 hours since I was a allowed a cigarette, something you have to clear through the doctor for some reason. I don't get it. Well that is all.

-raven russell



This video has been said to cause seizures in 1 in 6,000 people. I think the other 5,999 people just groove and love the flashing lights near the end. Love it.

Nothing Buzzworthy, I'm Just Worrying About Cancer

Robin Hood Men In Tights (Full Movie)
Click this Link to watch it almost full screen: Robin Hood Men In Tights Fullscreen
If you like streaming videos check out (I'm not getting paid for this):
Streaming Movies (I'm Not Fuckin With You)

I have had this cyst/tumor thing in my lip for almost a month now. I keep asking people what they think I should do about it. "Go to the doctor," is the overwhelming winner in the response category. I'm worried though. I'm a heavy smoker. The hard lump in my lip is internal and right on the side of the mouth that I smoke out of. I guess I'm like most men, I just don't want to hear a doctor tell me the bad news.

My bi-polar is kicking in pretty good today. I feel completely depressed over everything. I mostly hate that this is the third weekend in a row, that I can't seem to get any friends to hang out with me. I know, poor me, but you know what this is my blog, so shove it. Does a :) help you stomach me? How about a lol?

My friends seem absent at the moment. I spent the day with one of my friends today, he was sick and slept most of the time. He did forewarn me of this inevitability, but still it hurt spending another Saturday night alone. My brain is an absolute shambles. I keep kicking around notions of greatness just to be reminded that I can't even afford gas and cigarettes. I can't even afford the Reese's pieces that I bought today, but I just had to live it up in poverty-ville.

Tonight, I'm probably going to hang out with my friend Andy. I've been looking forward to it all week. I'm worried that he's going to say he has something else to do. He seems to be, along with my friend Tony, the only person who returns my phone calls. I hear that it is a character trait of some people to not return phone calls, they're just busy. uh huh. Nice pop psychology. I know when a brother ain't getting the love.

I picture my friends picking up their ringing cell phone, seeing my number, laughing about how Bush sucks, and silencing their ring. I always picture the friend laughing, you know having fun, kicking it. Why is it so hard to find friends who wouldn't mind having me around while they kick it? Poor whiny me. Poor me. My cynicism and sarcasm aren't only for the world, I give them to myself as gifts each minute. I tear apart myself and hope that the world doesn't see the scraps laying out.

So, back to the 'deadly' tumor. I will probably get it checked out soon. Whenever my Medicare stuff gets sorted out. I officially go onto Medicare in April, thanks to Uncle Sam giving me the disabled stamp (while with his other hand he's probably silencing my phone call). If I have cancer, I'll probably go on a trip. Maybe take off alone for a while. I just don't want to bankrupt my family further. I might be able to stay with my friends in other states...oh wait...I don't have any out of state friends.

I imagine myself sometime in the future, lying in a hospital bed, aching for a cigarette, lip torn out, hair a distant memory. I'll make a call from my hospital phone, and my *friend* will pick up the call not knowing it's me. In mid laugh he'll say hello. Here's how that would go:

Me: "Hey, it's Russell what's up"

*Friend*: "Oh shit it's Russell" (muffled as his hand is over the phone)

Me: "Well so today is probably the final day for me, we haven't talked in a while..."

*Friend*: ...(cutting me off) "Yeah, good to hear from you, listen I'm real busy." (laughter in background, someone is speaking about Halo 3).

Me: "Cool, I guess I'll call you later" (the click of the hang-up occurs somewhere in the middle of this line).

Right now, I'm thinking about the call to some religion I would make. Asking for forgiveness and all that, here is what would be happening on the other end:

So someone bought me on Facebook. There is some application called 'Owned', where you can buy other Facebookers, fake of course. She is creepy and double wide. I guess maybe she could be my friend, but anyone who buys me on the meat market for $51 fake money, couldn't be all that good. Maybe I could just feed her Dreyer's ice cream while she played with my lip tumor. She probably doesn't know she's bought damaged goods. Here is a picture of 'Amber', my new owner:

I feel bad that Amber has to be my hapless victim today, but hey middle management always gets the short end of the stick. And yes, I would hit her with a stick if she would have proposed buying me in a face to face interaction.

In closing I leave you with a shirt design that I found that I liken to me as a personality. If you dig the shirt then maybe you can buy me from Amber in a hostile takeover move. Just remember that I have told you of my 'maybe cancer.' Don't screw me later with a insurance denial letter :) lol, he he, ;)

-raven russell

New Photoshop Picture I made

This picture took a long time to make, but turned out pretty rad. Includes part of the oldest picture of Helen Keller ever found, actually discovered just recently by some historians. I'm loving the photoshop stuff. Once you learn some basics the thing is pretty dang fun. The background image is altered from an original by Nikki Anderson (I hope I spelled that right).

I broke down and paid for an album. NIN just sold me on the whole concept of their new album sale. Check out my ealier blogs for a link to buy Trent's new 36 song instrumental album.

I once again had nothing to do on Friday night. I felt like gambling, but didn't. The bright side to the story is that right now I'm not writing a blog about losing $80 and having my wife mad at me, he he. I found a great blog with really funny comic strips, some simple, some nerdy, most of them make me laugh out loud.
Here's that link: xkcd.com. This link goes to just one of the many comics he has, you can even press random and get old comics.


Here is a link to a video that sums up some of my favorite points about the oil crisis. Sometimes this site shows ads first, but hopefully you don't have to waste that 30 seconds of your life. From Comedy Central's own Jon Stewart and the comedic mishaps of George W. Bush.
Crude Awakening Video.

Well that's about all for now. Here's to not getting drafted because I'm too old, almost. Now I'm scaring myself.

-raven russell

Obama the Ninja Racing to an Important Vote

I Would Vote For Him Man,
I Think He's Even Chewing Gum
at the Same Time


-raven russell
p.s. raven russell endorses none of the candidates. I may vote 'No' for President.

Bad Day at the Office Video

This video pretty much sums up why I can't work in an office. Luckily I've never pulled off breaking my computer, but I sure have fantasized. So this video is for all of you who fantasize about 'breaking' free of the daily hustle. I love it.

-raven russell

Grooving and the Loss of Said Groove

The Grooviest Videos on the Web, GroovyGrooves.com

Today, I wanted to spend most of the day reading about web design. I spent short ten minute chunks during the day learning about web design. I never gelled into any sort of groove with the books I was reading. I was chaotic and all over the place. I read about coding one moment, Firefox the next, and about this guy playing a hypnotic drum the next.

The drummer is the one that I learned the most from. This sounds silly, I'm sure, but watching people like the guy on this video, helps me to remember that beauty comes in simplicity. The effort to follow the wavelength of where you want to go until you reach the end should not take effort. The drummer's hands move fluidly, he doesn't hold back, he just feels the music, so to speak.

Is it possible to feel the groove in my life? Where does one find the central theme or wavelength to follow during their day to day life?

I'm on a wave that sounds like a train right now, provided by Trent Reznor in the form of some free MP3's that he put out. You can also buy the rest of the album from the same site. Awesome! Check out:



I hope that Sara, comes home soon. She always helps to fill the empty moments up with something substantial. Right now, there are a lot of empty moments. Mostly stemming from my quitting smoking. The cigarettes were somehow little smoke filled mirrors, capable of wasting minutes easily and with deadly precision.

Please let me groove one day, Lord. Let me be captured in a moment of pure bliss and continue on unabated, unrelenting, grooving into the sunset.

-raven russell

5:08 A.M. and Going Strong

I am finally doing some web work again. It feels great to be working on the Safermusic.com project. I actually feel privileged to be a part of something that is a grand concept website, so much better, and less boring, then your average site. Band sites seem to be more of what I want to get into, but this is a hard genre to break into unless you have connection.

I just know that I don't want to use any connections through Feral Children. I think they are, with the exception of my brother, a bunch of posers. Although you should check out their music, as it is superb, especially the album versions, not the crap 128kps bit rate versions on Myspace. If only the world Internet community knew more about MP3's. This technology thing will keep getting better, however. Here's to the next generation of children developing a better Internet. Thank god for sites like Google. I love this site and hope to one day work for Google.

-raven russell

Fart Jokes

My son likes this show, Pet Alien. This video is the beginning of the show. Orion, my son, has the PetAlien.com set as his homepage. He loves a farting video that is on that site, continually watching it over and over again. Fart jokes are funny. They seem to stay funny even as one gets older.

Placement of fart jokes is very important, however. I feel that new movies throw in a fart joke when they run out of ideas for a scene. Episode One should not have had a fart joke. I don't understand why George Lucas, in all of his once infinite wisdom, decided to have a fantastical creature, in a galaxy far, far, away... fart. Not funny. Lowest common denominator humor.

This pet alien video is pretty funny, however, check it out at: PetAlien.com. Childlike, but aimed at the right audience, and has some comedic timing.

This world is rife with comics that have lost their ability to time a joke. I guess it took a bunch of aliens coming to Earth, to reintroduce a great fart joke.

-raven russell

All About Bono and the Laundromat Guy

Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

This video is amazingly funny to the nerd in me. The video is so well put together that it even appeals to the comedy snob in me. Today was alright. I did the laundry most of the day. The laundromat I go to has this guy and girl who watch over your 'style' of laundering. They make so many comments. I felt like a lion in a cage as I shoved obviously two loads into a one load dryer. The male who works there commented on my over packing the dryer, why did I almost explode at him? I wanted to tell him that there was a new issue of Washing and Drying on the newsstands, hoping that he would run out and buy said issue. This would have freed me up to use "too little detergent", "lavender dryer sheets late in the dry cycle", and a couple other indecipherable things he said to me, to which I just politely nodded.

Parenthood is a lot like my day today. You feel like you are constantly on display. Someone looks at you cock-eyed when they see you admonishing your child, and your immediate reaction is to feel like having your five year old read out loud from War and Peace. Maybe this extreme talent will somehow show that you are a good parent. Although it really just shows that somewhere, somehow a gene that you gave your kid must have mutated into something better. Perhaps the next generation of man is just harder to deal with as a child. That's why I get mad, yeah, that's it.

My wife is hard at work right now. Bringing in the clean laundry and stacking the baskets so that she may fold them tonight, a ritual that brings her inner cleansing :). Even as I write now I keep wanting to tell her better ways of carrying the stuff, or such. I am both the one on display in this world and the one watching. Isaac Brock says in a song, "Everyone is a voyeur as they're watching me watch them watch me right now."

Lyrics like this help me realize that I am not alone in my feelings of being watched. I by no means feel like I'm being watched more than anyone else, I just react to it more acerbically than most people. I get mad. I feel like raging against a machine that I've been told is bad. Advice, I think is not bad. I act heroically, I think, in defense of my own ideas, actions, and opinions. I stand up for myself. This often appears as if I am throwing out every bit of advice I get. Alas though, I remember most words of advice given to me. The gnawing bad advice that takes fruition within me is the worst. Such as, "why don't you just try listening to more U2, you'll like them." Why did I ever follow that advice? I guess maybe that I needed to find a favorite rock star to hate. Bono certainly fits that shoe.

My advice to Bono, the guy at the laundromat, and anyone who judges my parenting with a reproachful stare is 'look at me as you will, but please stop singing, get a new job if you feel your managerial skills are up to par, and raise your own fucking kids.'

thank you and goodnight

-raven russell
A tribute site for my fallen father-in-law

Writing into the vastness

I have five minutes to write into the vastness of the internet. I feel the emptiness calling to me. Some computer somewhere is storing my info on it, it smiles as it fills, not knowing that someday it will be replaced. It's innards stripped of memories that were once so dear. A depression sets in about the similarity between this computer and me. I will fall apart. I am not constant. My five minutes, now, are spent in reckless disregard to what others will think of me. I enjoy this moment, for the few seconds that I'm allowed enjoyment, before it is processed, stored, re-processed later over dinner, and virtually erased by new daily minutiae. I fought with my loved ones today. The pain will remain for a few days, but only as a dull ache, as I am now 29 and mostly numb. I heard "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd today. The song is great, but also trite, as is what I write now. I need to learn to accept that I write the words that others have thought and written a hundred times over the ages. I hope to become one with the ages, one who is remembered, but the battle to be remembered is being fought by everyone. Even if people like me only try half-assed to make our mark.

-raven russell
RavenRussell.com